A Powerful Way to Improve Any Relationship

One of the most powerful things we can do to improve any relationship is to not become involved with the judgments that we make.  We all have judgmental thoughts.  We can’t really help it.  It’s part of our human experience.  So, instead of fighting them, we can acknowledge them.  Notice them.  Be aware of them.  Even accept them. But…… we don’t need to dwell on them or give them our time, energy or a voice.  (either in our heads or by sharing them with others)

Superman couldn’t survive Kryptonite and our relationships can’t survive Judgment.  It’s THAT dangerous!   We believe that our judgments are “right” and convince ourselves that they represent a higher truth.  We think that we are being “smart” and virtuous to have judgments.

It is culturally acceptable to share these judgments at pretty much any social gathering, whether it be during coffee with a friend, or the lunch room at work.   We attempt to rally others to stand behind us supporting our judgments.  We hope that our criticisms will change someone or something and make the world a better place for goodness sake!  When we rally behind the judgments or our friends,  we are offered acceptance and feel a stronger sense of belonging to “the pack”.

Believe me, I fall into this quickly and easily!   I even convince myself that I are doing them and the whole world a favor by offering my judgments and opinions.  What a “gift” my insights and higher awareness is to all!  It’s almost like some kind of “power” that I feel as I fuel the ego that is getting just what it wants. This is to feel seperate and better than others.  At the same time, I feel a turning in the pit of my stomach as the voice of my essence is telling me that by criticizing another, I am going against myself and God.

The truth is that judgments rarely change anyone.  If they do, the change is temporary and comes at the price of damage to the relationship since the person feels bullied into the change and not accepted and understood that they are doing their best at this time. Judgments are the easiest things in the world to make.  Anyone can point out someone’s flaws. They separate us from the other person as well as from wisdom, truth, love and Spirit.

There is only Fear or Love.  Since a judgment is obviously not love, it must be rooted in Fear.

1. Don’t judge yourself for having them, or we’re back to square one.  We are shifting away from the belief that judgment causes change.
2. We don’t  have to change the thoughts.  We just have to change our relationship to them. Instead of giving them power, recognize them for what they are. Recognize them as judgments coming from the voice of ego and not worth our time or energy. Turn our attention away from them.
3. Make a deliberate intention to focus on the person’s positive traits. Write them out. Make a list. Focus on a person’s beauty.  There is plenty of beauty in every person! This will create a huge energy shift between us and the other person.
4. We can send the person love. That is our challenge. To be more loving.
5. Choose one person and make a list of the judgments that you have for them. Consider what it would be like to let go of these judgments and the feelings that go with them. How would that change your relationship?
6. Everyone is a mirror and we can only change ourselves. Take a few moments to consider how you possess the quality that you are judging in the other person, even if it is on a smaller scale. Honor the person for being a teacher and a reflection of you so that you might recognize the trait or behavior in yourself and truly grow.

With much love and acceptance,

Bani