What If I told you that the best thing we can do to create awesome relationships with everyone including our partner, children and parents was to sleep in on weekends, read books, take naps, get massages, take walks in nature, buy yourself something you love, play golf and go to belly dancing class, all on a regular basis?
No I don’t mean with them, unless they really want to go too, but otherwise on our own. You might be wondering, so how does all that create a better relationship if we’re doing all those things without our loved one?
I am the expert on me. I know what I like, what I want and what I need, so who is a better person to be meeting my needs than me!?
Making it our job to meet everyone else’s needs and believing that it’s their job to meet ours is codependent and it may be the number one factor why relationships fail. Plus, it just doesn’t work.
Here’s a new plan. We take care of our own needs ourselves, then when we get to the party, we can just have FUN with our loved ones. We’re not needy, resentful and drained because we’ve spent all our time taking care of everyone else. They’re off the hook and there’s no agenda.
We get together and we’re not starving for attention because we give it to ourselves. We’re not desperate for love because we’ve been loving ourselves.
Besides, they can’t meet all of our needs. They don’t have the time and they really don’t usually have a clue how! Face it, they don’t give massages nearly as good as the professionals either!
Cheryl Richardson calls this extreme self care and asks us to take self care to a whole new level! No commitments out of guilt or obligation. We need to quit being a martyr. The Dark Ages are over!
When are we supposed to do all this self care stuff? We’re going to have to stop the automatic “yes” when we’re asked to do something. (Scary, I know.)
These are very hard habits to change because they’ve probably been passed down to us from previous generations. We all have some core beliefs keeping us attached to these behaviors in relationships. Beliefs such as, “All good moms give their kids a home made meal almost every night of the week” or “Good husbands are supposed to listen to us when we complain.” ( Well, if you enjoy cooking that’s great and quite frankly our girl friends are usually better listeners when it comes to that.)
The best thing we can do to have great relationships with our loved ones is to meet our own needs and allow them the freedom and time to meet their own. Then when we are together, we’re not needy, desperate and resentful but fulfilled and happy and we can just play and enjoy each others company!
Yes, me too, and we all deserve it. But here’s the kicker! This is SO good, so lean in! Guess what happens when we’re feeling good because we truly love and adore ourselves and we’ve spent the time to offer ourselves relaxation, compassion and understanding?
We turn into total mega magnets for all kinds of love and attention from every sort of being great and small!
That’s because we’re happy and radiant which makes us completely irresistible!
Start now. Go get your calendar. I’ll wait. Really, this is important. Now, schedule a one hour block of time in the next few days when you do something completely for you, whether that’s soak in a bubble bath or go get a pedicure. Write in the comment section below to tell me what it is and how it’s going.
Keep this up and in no time people will be throwing gifts at you, waiting in line to talk to you and bringing over more trays of hand baked cookies than you will know what to do with! And, you wont even need it! It’ll all be frosting on the cake of your happiness!
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